Grieving While Running a Business

Balancing Entrepreneurship with Heartbreak

“I’ll plan to take the call. I should be OK,” I told Stephanie Boyle as we mapped out my week.

But it wasn’t just any week—it was the week after I said goodbye to my beloved dog, Tessie.

I convinced myself that staying busy would be better than having no plans at all.

I was sorely mistaken.

A day after we said goodbye to Tessie, I was in a near-catatonic state from the heaviness of that loss. I was exhausted from a year of senior-dog caretaking. My body and heart needed time to rest, to grieve, to learn how to live without her.

But as a business owner, an anxiety girlie, and a lifelong overachiever, I genuinely didn’t know how to step away and do…nothing.

I’ve taken time away from my business, but it usually involves some activity. And when it doesn't, I am soaking in sorely needed solitude and silence.

But this was different. I was scared to be with my thoughts — scared of the silence.

Tessie was my office-mate. She’d lounge in her bed beside me all day long. Her snoring, rustling, and jingling of her collar were the soundtrack to my day. And the silence of my office without her was a sharp reminder of her loss.

After a few attempts to stay busy to drown out the quiet, I gave myself permission to stop for a few days. Work felt unbearable. There was just no version of pushing through that made sense.

Even though it was the right choice, I still felt weird about it. I wanted to scream from the rooftops: MY DOG DIED, AND I AM DROWNING.

Instead, I told people I had a “family emergency.”

She was my family. But I didn’t feel like I had permission to grieve her out loud.

Our society avoids grief—especially non-traditional grief like suicide loss, miscarriages, breakups, or elderly soul dogs. And as entrepreneurs in a non-stop world, we hear endless advice about resting our minds and bodies (I give that very advice all the time!). But what about when our heart needs a break?

What do we do when our heart is shattered, and we simply don’t have the bandwidth to be a functioning human?

And why isn’t grief talked about like the normal part of life that it is?

For most of my life, I’ve been taught emotions are “too much” and learned that grief is inconvenient. We’re supposed to process life-altering loss in 3-5 days and return to work with a smile and a “I’m hanging in there!”

The truth is: some moments, I am hanging in there. Others, I’m barely holding on. The waves aren’t as frequent now, but I’m not pretending I’ve moved on. I’m learning to move forward without her beside me, but always in my heart. (Cheesy, but true.)

I talk about her. I keep signs of her in my office (Exhibit A). I let myself cry. And, most importantly, I let myself rest and take breaks. I let my heart take a break.

That is how I’m grieving while still running a business.

And now, instead of feeling shame about my grief, I say: “My soul dog died, and I’m doing the best I can.”

Thank you to the Young family for giving me this beautiful gift.