When Your Private Life Doesn’t Match Your Public Persona
How much of our story do we actually share as founders?
When I first decided to turn my freelance gig into a full-fledged business, I told everyone, “Nothing is really going to change. I'm just formalizing things.”
How cute of me. So naive.
Literally, everything about me (and the idea I had for a business) changed.
When Visibility Becomes the Job
One of the biggest changes was my visibility. While I always had a strong network and posted regularly on social media, I quickly realized that to truly build a business in today's world, I needed a stronger online presence. I couldn't just post a few times a week and hope someone who needs my help sees my post at the exact right time.
So I began growing my business and my personal brand by submitting myself to every podcast, article, and feature that would take me. I shared my LinkedIn expertise with every networking group that would listen, and I posted more personal viewpoints on marketing/communications.
Make no mistake, this took a lot of gumption and bravery. It wasn't my nature to put myself out there, and I constantly felt like an imposter. But I did it. Even if it meant closing my eyes and hitting post or send.
While I knew this visibility work was critical, I would still have these flashes of regret. I would worry that I was doing too much, being too much, and no one wanted to hear from me. All the trappings of a classic elder millennial traumatized by corporate life.
Well, the good news is…I was wrong. People did want to hear what I had to say, and if anyone thought I was being too much, I didn't notice because my business and brand were growing. I had found a newfound sense of confidence, which eventually encouraged me to take my visibility to the next level.
And that's when the Mentally Fit Founder was born. I started sharing the most vulnerable parts of myself with the world. My story began making a difference, which was all I ever wanted.
Public-facing founder life suited me. I loved sharing my knowledge about marketing and writing, and I enjoyed speaking my truth about my mental health and confidence. I had curated a personal brand that harmonized all of my different parts—the writer, the marketer, the advocate, the businessowner telling stories (including her own) to improve human health.
The Gap Between Who I Am and Who I Show Up As
Yet I would still wake up some days with that sinking feeling of "I'm a fraud.” I wouldn't feel like the confident mental health advocate that my snappy online bio touted.
How could I be sharing my story of overcoming depression and anxiety when I still had days that I felt overcome by them?
I had spent so much of my life with a mask on, hiding my anxiety and depression. Now that I had finally embraced those parts of me, shouldn't I be honest about how I'm feeling? Was it insincere to keep sharing posts that misrepresented how I was feeling at the time?
Here's the honest answer: no.
No, I wasn't being dishonest or performative. I am allowed to decide what I share and what I don't.
You don't need to share everything to be authentic. Sometimes your private life needs time to catch up to your public persona. If you're purposefully leaving things out to make a point, that is different.
If your private life is behind your public life–that's not dishonest. That's reality.
As you evolve, there's going to be a gap between who you are becoming and how you're showing up. And it's OK if you navigate that privately. Social media isn't your diary after all.
Remember how I described my personal brand? Curated. Yes, as much as it’s truly and honestly me, it’s still a curated version. So I get to choose what I share and what I don’t.
But that doesn't mean you should only show up once you've officially leveled up or are feeling “fully aligned.” Because who even knows when they’ve reached the next phase of their personal brand anyway? And is anyone ever fully aligned all the time? Probably not.
Also, it's important to remember that people love hearing about the journey just as much as the destination. So, yes, take all the time you want to get aligned. But don't feel like you can only show up with the new version of yourself.
What We Get Wrong About Authenticity
The need to show up perfectly or completely is what so many people misunderstand about authenticity. When I tell them to show up as their most authentic selves, they worry…
They worry about sharing things that they don't want to, like family photos. They worry about timing and whether they should wait until they feel more “settled” in their business or brand. They worry that authenticity means showing up in real time and reporting on their emotions.
Authenticity means telling your story honestly, but within the boundaries you set.
You don't have to share your family photos if you don't want to. If you don't want to talk about a certain part of your corporate history, then don’t. You set the boundaries.
And remember, it’s OK if those boundaries evolve over time. What feels scary today might feel OK to share next year.
I remember the first time I talked about how anxiety manifested in the workplace for me. I never liked recalling those days until a reporter asked. I could've passed on the question, but I decided to answer. When I saw it in the article, I realized I had turned a corner with my mental health story.
Building a personal brand as a founder is not easy, and it’s not about getting it “right.” It's about learning how to navigate the space between who you are privately and who you are publicly—over and over again.
The Part No One Talks About
Listen, I’m still figuring this all out myself. I’m trying to be honest about the deep grief I am feeling right now for my dog, while also not wanting to make it my entire personality (although it kinda feels like it).
I’m here to tell you, it is not an easy line to toe. And we don’t talk about it enough.
But you do the best you can with how you're feeling at the time. That's all that anyone can ever ask of you.
Ultimately, when it comes to your public brand as a founder, you are in charge. You have to do what feels right to you. If you don’t, then it will come across as inauthentic.
Head over to my SubStack to read the longer version of this article, where I talk about what setting boundaries means in practice and the questions to consider when putting yourself out there.
I’m exploring this tension more deeply in an upcoming event for Mental Health Month. If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to join us. Please reach out for the registration link.
