The #1 Quality in a Partner When You Have a Mental Illness

I am writing this on Valentine’s Day, as I thought it was a good day to address an issue that comes up a lot with mental illness — relationships.

When I met Jon, he was the opposite of everything I envisioned in a partner in many ways. In fact, after our first date, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to see him again (long story). But we did, and there was one HUGE reason I was so attracted to him — the dimples. Ok, the dimples and his calm, non-judgmental demeanor. When I revealed my struggles with mental illness, he didn’t bat an eye. As time went on and my anxiety and depression manifested, he made me feel safe. He made me feel better, and he gave me hope. Now, ten years later, he still does that.

Sometimes, it can feel terrifying to get into a relationship when you have a mental illness. Will the person accept me for who I am? Will they make my anxiety worse, or will they be a source of calmness? How do I tell them? Do I even tell them? In the past, I had boyfriends who handled my mental health well and several who just made it worse.

With that in mind, pretty much my #1 requirement in a partner was someone who could support me through my mental health struggles. I didn’t want someone who could just accept me; I wanted someone who could help me grow through the obstacles. So, when I met Jon, it became clear he could be that person; all the reasons I thought he wasn’t the right fit went out the window. Those requirements seemed insignificant to this one quality that I had never found before in a partner.

This same quality is why I decided to leap into entrepreneurship. I knew Jon would support me (not just financially, but emotionally, too). Every time I had a doubt or felt like giving up, he had my back. He supported me and helped me grow through it.

When people consider entrepreneurship, I can give many pieces of advice, but I will always say: find a partner who supports you. Find a partner who not just believes in you but also helps you be the best version of yourself. And when patients with mental illness ask me how to thrive in a relationship despite their challenges, I say find a partner who supports you and believes in you. And honestly, it doesn’t even have to be a romantic partner. It can be a friend, a business partner, a relative. Just someone who can lift you and be that source of comfort when you so need it.

I want to think I’ve done this in return for him, too. That’s why I can say with complete confidence that we are better versions of ourselves than when we first met.